


Smile Again

by Toybox



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Drama, Fluff, Implied Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toybox/pseuds/Toybox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tomorrow” Hyungwon breathed in with a self satisfied smile “Tomorrow I can dance again.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile Again

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by lack of Hyungwon and overall screentime in recent promotions and Wonho getting all the spotlight. lmao
> 
> Beware of cringe and cheesy moments. lol

 

 

**● ● ●**

 

 

 

Hyungwon stared at the ceiling trying to catch his breath and still his racing heart. He blinked twice trying to clear his vision. He felt so dizzy and light-headed; a feeling of nausea washing over him. 

“Fuck” he shouted out loud, trying to reach for a bottle of water rolling on the floor not far away from him. His body felt on fire and ached so bad it hurt to even breath. 

“Kihyun is going to kill me” he groaned under his breath willing that painful throbbing in his head to go away. 

He overdid it. _Again_. But he couldn't help it. He felt so anxious he couldn't stay still.

 _Another chance_. Hyungwon had another chance to prove himself that he had a talent in dancing. 

“Tomorrow” he breathed in with a self satisfied smile “tomorrow I can dance again.” 

Hyungwon loved to dance as far as he could remember. Spending hours upon hours locked up in his room with music as his only companion he felt alive. He dreamed of dancing on a stage surrounded by flashy lights and screaming fans in support, but this dream had yet to come true. 

Hyungwon took up modeling as a job in his teen years to fund his passion for dancing and entering competitions. That's how he met Kihyun who worked as his current manager. Annoyingly strict, very punctual and precise. Always chasing him up and nagging about his behaviour: overslept appointments, bruising on his body due to overly excessive dancing and just him being moody in general. But he wouldn't have it any other way. He had to admit, that without Kihyun constantly breathing down his neck he would feel completely lost and his presence comforted him greatly in his darker days. 

“Tomorrow” he silently repeated, his heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears “I can prove myself.” 

 

 

 

 ● ● ●

 

 

Once loud screams of the crowd reached his ears, Hyungwon's heart dropped. He watched in awe and bitterness as a new dancer started his routine. Of all the people to enter this competition it just had to be _him –_ a shadow, who kept fallowing him around. A reminder that he will never be as good as him. 

 _Wonho._  

Hyungwon clenched his fists in anger, his nails painfully digging into his palms. He bit his lip in frustration as more screams echoed in the crowd as Wonho flashed his abs. Arrogant, self-centred, so extra in everything and overly sexual, but people just lapped it up. Their gazes hungry for more, screams so loud they made Hyungwon feel deaf. A win decided by an audience voting meant he never had a chance to begin with. 

 _“I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You're so awkward it's painful to watch. There is no feeling when you dance. You don't stand out and you have no presence or aura to you. You pale in comparison to Wonho who's a complete opposite of you. Your face is devoid of any emotion and it's hard to find any interest in you. The only reason you made so far is because of your looks. A pretty face like you is hard to come by. Do yourself a favour and stick to modeling, okay?”_  

Hyungwon clutched at his throat, grasping for air as he felt his anxiety kick in and his confidence falter. His vision blurred, but he held it in. He won't allow himself to breakdown now, not here, not around _him._  

Hyungwon excused himself and politely bowed to the staff apologizing non-stop for an early leave, when his phone buzzed with a reminder of an upcoming schedule due in an hour, which he ended up missing anyway.

 

 ● ● ●

 

 

A few hours later Kihyun stormed into his apartment with angry steps, eyes blazing with fury and mouth set into a scowl. He was beyond livid and rightfully so.   

“You better be dying or else I swear your ass is going to hurt so bad.” 

Silence. Hyungwon didn’t even flinch. His usual poker face betraying nothing. 

Kihyun opened his mouth to shout again but paused, his gaze faltering upon seeing Hyungwon’s face up-close. “Hey, what’s wrong?” No answer, but he could feel Hyungwon trembling under his touch. 

“Shit” he cursed under his breath, his heart twisting painfully when Hyungwon refused to look up at him. 

“Come here” he told warmly extending his arms waiting for Hyungwon to shift closer. “Just focus on my voice” Kihyun whispered into his ear “I’m here. Nothing else matters, okay?” 

Kihyun felt Hyungwon shift closer to embrace him like his life depended on it. Kihyun to Hyungwon was his lifeline, his only anchor that grounded him to reality,  made him focus not losing his mind in one of his most vulnerable moments. 

“I’m sorry” Hyungwon breathed out into Kihyun’s neck before falling backwards on his back dragging the tinier male with him.  

“I know.” 

Hyungwon knew how hard Kihyun worked to get him some offers, spending hours chasing up the right people for connections or fishing for new sponsors. Countless sleepless nights worrying over his health and his clumsy self, dealing with his shitty attitude and just giving that extra to make sure that he’s happy and alive. 

Hyngwon closed his eyes feeling calmness wash over him, Kihyun’s smell making him at ease.  

“Stay?” 

Hyungwon felt Kihyun's lips form into a smile as he placed a kiss on his left collarbone. “Okay.” 

 

 

 ● ● ●

 

 

Hyungwon’s eyes shot open in panic as he struggled to find his phone to check the time. Did he overslept again? 

“Calm down” a yawn “I cancelled all the bookings today. You get a free day today, sunshine.” 

“You didn’t have to...” 

A smirk. “You owe me, pretty boy and I’m going to enjoy it to the fullest. First step is when you start cleaning that mess you call your room.”  

Hyungwon groaned, rubbing his face with his palms in attempt to block out Kihyun’s victory dance. “You’re evil. Pure evil I tell you.”

 

 

**● ● ●**

 

 

“I just don’t know. Ever since that professional audition I failed a few months ago I see him in every competition I enter. ” 

Kihyun stared at him in puzzlement. “Are you sure he isn’t a stalker? You do  have a pretty face. Should I feel concerned?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous! I doubt he even remembers me. I’m just another dancer trying his luck, okay?” 

Kihyun didn’t look convinced. Hyungwon was hard to miss. He stood out like a pole. A walking sign. A rather handsome walking sign.  

One of many of reasons why he scouted him. Well more like nagged enough for him to say yes, and he wasn’t about to let some asshole to mess with Hyungwon’s confidence that took him years to instil.

Kihyun crossed his arms, his eyes sharp and his mouth set into a frown. “I won’t tell you to stop dancing. It’s the only thing that makes you happy, Hyungwon. It’s your element. Don’t lose focus and work hard, okay? Those who give it all have no regrets in the future.” 

A smile so bright lit up on Hyungwon’s face it took Kihyun’s breath away. “You make me happy too, you know that, right?.” 

Kihyun couldn’t stop smiling either. 

 

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

Hyungwon took a sip of his drink, his foot jerking in impatience. His eyes glued to the clock just above Kihyun's head. He felt restless, frustrated, but his face betrayed none of that.  

"Will you stop that?" He heard the tinier male whisper harshly to him. Hyungwon faked innocence, his eyes bright but full of mischief. 

"We're about to wrap it up for today. Can't you just stay still for a few minutes?" 

 "I-" 

 "I don't want to hear it" 

Hyungwon crossed his arms and silently fumed. It felt like this meeting will never end. Neither parties wanted to back down and neither reached any kind of conclusion on this project yet. Kihyun proved to be as stubborn as a mule, firmly saying no to anything that he deemed necessary and acting like a royal pain on a daily basis. 

Hyungwon is used to it, but, apparently, the new client wasn't and judging by the look he was sending to his manager he was about to commit a bloody murder. 

Kihyun is just that _good_ to get under your skin. It was a bit amusing to watch when it wasn't his ass on the line who had to deal with it. 

He breathed a sight of relief when the guy in question cracked, giving into whatever demands the tinier Satan set right from the start.  "It's a pleasure to do business with you as always!" Kihyun cheered, shaking hands with the guy to seal the deal. 

Hyungwon shook his head in disbelief, eyes darting to the ticking clock again. A smile curling up on his lips as thoughts of freedom floated around in his head. "Can I go _now_?" 

"Yes. Just don't forget to-" 

He didn't stay long enough to hear the rest of it, sprinting out just as Kihyun opened his mouth to speak. 

 

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

"Hyungwon?" 

"I'm sorry!" He breathed out, catching his breath. Eyes darting wildly around the empty room. 

"It's okay. I was about to lock it up early because something unexpected came up, but I'm glad that you're here. I missed seeing you dance."  

Hyungwon felt at ease. A place he belonged in and welcomed him any time. He felt at home.  

"Thanks, Shownu" a beaming smile and bone crushing hug made his body tingle in excitement. He couldn't wait to dance. 

Hyungwon met Shownu few years ago through a mutual friend. He still remembered that day he watched Shownu perform  his dance routine. A bit akward, shy and introverted but with such an open heart and kindness to anyone who loved to dance. A figure he idolized, looked up with such admiration and respect he never felt before. A father figure he always wanted to have in his life. A person who loved dancing as much as he did, taught him tricks and principles, had unspeakable faith in him and pushed him forward to achieve his dream. 

In a way, Hyungwon felt guilty. Every time he felt he’s so close to coming a bit closer to achieving something only to get knocked down to a harsh reality just to start all over again. There were times he really felt like giving up, but as he looked at Shownu’s warm and understanding eyes, he felt like he can climb mountains, go to hell and back just with his support alone. Dancing to him was like breathing air and something he could never live without, nor forgive himself from losing. 

“I really need to go” Shownu rubbed his neck in apology. “Will you be okay to stay here alone for a bit until I come back?” 

“Don’t worry.” A smile. “I kind of like that it’s so quiet here right now. It’s weirdly calming and I won’t disturb others as well. I need some inner me time to compensate for skipping all the practices.” 

“Ah. Feel free to use anything you need. I won’t take long, okay?” 

“Okay~” 

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

Hyungwon went over practiced steps with ease; something new he’s still working on. Nodding to himself in self-satisfaction at fluidity of his body. Some parts were lacking, needed a bit of polishing or continuity, but overall he felt proud and accomplished. It was a bit out of his comfort zone and slightly more daring than he usually preferred.  

Hyungwon heaved a sight staring at himself in the mirror. While his body is getting the hang of being more provocative and sensual (way better than he first started off), but his face matched none of that. He felt angry at himself and frustrated. His eyes ablaze and mouth set into a deep frown. He felt like throwing a fit. 

“You’re, Hyungwon, right?” 

Hyungwon nearly had a heart attack; spilling his drink all over the floor. He was so far into self-cursing he didn’t even hear someone come in. 

“What the fuck-“ a stunned silence and Hyungwon felt like he forgot how to breathe. 

Worried eyes looked up at him with concern written all over them. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” 

And, apparently, he lost an ability to speak as his eyes stared directly at the handsome face he disliked so much. What the hell, _he,_ out of all the possible places is doing here, in his _sanctuary_ , a place that he believed was _Wonho-_ _free_ zone.

A sheepish laugh. “Did I really scare you that bad? I swear I didn’t mean to do that.” Eyes darting everywhere, but avoiding to look directly at him out of embarrassment. “You’re Hyungwon, right?” he repeated slowly again. “Shit. Don’t tell me I got it wrong?” 

Hyungwon couldn’t stop staring. Eyes glued to the shorter male, his mouth open in disbelief but no words coming out. He felt the irony and the timing of it all ridiculously funny so he laughed. Laughed out loud with tears in his eyes like he was insane. Maybe all of those sleepless nights finally got to him and his brain started feeding him with illusions he never asked for in the first place. 

Wonho looked so lost and ready to bolt out any given second to save himself for making a fool out of himself further, but stopped as laughter reached his ears. He chuckled, smiling so hard his cheeks were about to burst. “Are we good now?” 

It took a few minutes for Hyungwon to get out of his laughing craze with coughs in between to get some air into this lungs. It actually felt really nice to just let go of whatever was weighting down his shoulders. “I guess. Can we pretend that this never ever happened?” 

“Noted.”  

Hyungwon looked down at his feet not sure what to do or say. He felt so exposed, vunerable and at a loss of what to do. He wanted to feel mad, be an ass and just tell Wonho to get lost, but when he cast a glance in other boys direction and saw him fidgeting  with the straps of his backpack he felt like that it wasn’t appropriate.  

“Hyungwon.” 

“I’m Hoseok” a rather bashful smile. “Not the way I wanted us to meet but this will do.” 

Hyungwon stared at him with confusion swimming in his eyes. “Hoseok? Not Wonho?” 

Eyes full of warmth and cheeks dusted with pink. “Just Hoseok.” 

Hyungwon smiled. “Alright.” 

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

Days flew by like seconds and Hyungwon found himself looking forward to spending more time with Hoseok. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that they were more than civil, even friendly, with each other without animosity lingering around. It was surprisingly easy to get along with him, fool around in the dance studio and share some laughs in between. It felt so natural the way they just _clicked_ _,_ maybe even complimented each other in ways Hyungwon never expected to happen.  

Hyungwon felt his cheeks heat up as he cast a glance in Hoseok’s direction to see him scrolling through his music library on his phone. He felt so foolish for even judging him without knowing him personally. Sure, Wonho, embodied everything he hated about the male with a passion but made him feel rather envious of him at the same time. But Wonho wasn’t real. Just a character, a persona Hoseok created to detach himself and sell like a product;  a complete opposite of the real him.

Hoseok is shy, gets easily embarrassed, with sincere eyes and such a blinding smile it sends his heart racing every time.  He’s goofy, playful as a kid, can be a bit clingy at times (sometimes on purpose) and a devil in disguise just to get a reaction out of him. A little shit hell bent on worming his way into his heart unasked. 

Both of them were sprawled on the floor listening to whatever Hoseok’s phone decided to play. One of those days they hardly danced, just happy to bask each others company. 

Hyungwon tapped his fingers to the beat, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “What happened to that professional audition we both signed up months ago. The one I was so sure you won and got signed to dance for crew MX? But then I saw you enter random competitions after that and it just didn’t make any sense.” 

Hoseok exhaled, casting his eyes to stare at his empty hands. “I-I...called it off.” 

“You did what?” Eyes wide with shock and his mouth agape. Hyungwon felt jealousy spark trough his body. “Are you insane? That’s the best dance crew on a national level and you told them off?” 

Hoseok felt angry too. “I had my own reasons, okay?” Without realising he picked up his water bottle and threw it away. It bounced of the ground, cap unscrewed, spilling liquid around as he held in his tears. “My mom...She’s not feeling well and had to be hospitalized. Fuck” he rubbed at his eyes as he felt his vision blur “I was scared. I didn’t want to leave her alone and sealing the deal meant intense training and traveling abroad. I-I just couldn’t do it. They got angry at me for wasting their time and told me to get out. I guess I have no chance to sign up with them again in the future.” A bitter smile. 

Hyungwon felt speechless and stunned by the confession. A bit at a loss of what to do or say. 

“I felt desperate. I really needed money for the hospital bills and surgery. I did whatever I needed and more just to win. I was ashamed, but it meant nothing in comparison to what my mother went through.” 

 Hyungwon bit his lip in frustation, feeling anxious to ask “Is she okay now?” 

“Slightly. Still not there, but she’s recovering.” 

A sight of  relief: “I’m glad.”  

Comfortable silence settled in a room, both trying to sort out their thoughts and take everything in. A change in music had both of them smiling and reminding of the time they were found fooling around by Shownu.  

“How did you meet up with Shownu?”  

“Ah, that” Hoseok smiled awkwardly, eyes darting around unfocused.  “A friend I know introduced us. I call it fate~” 

Hyungwon chuckled, a slight smile dancing on his lips: “Fate, huh?” 

“Yeah~. Shownu talks about you a lot. Like a proud dad” a snicker “but you stole my heart that day when I saw you dance to Drake’s ‘Hold on we’re going home’. You took my breath away and it just hit home. Right in the feels as they say?” a smirk. 

Hyungwon’s cheeks were ablaze, his heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears. His hands shot up to cover his never-ending blush, ears red and mouth dry for some reason. “Don’t say things like that, you dork!” 

“The way your body moved...” 

“Shut up!” 

“You’re so cute~” 

“Stop talking!” 

“Let’s dance?” 

“Okay~”

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

Kihyun glared at the his phone when another call went through unanswered. While he was used to Hyungwon disappearing every now and then, but this has reached a new breaking point. Kihyun blamed it all on the new friendship which oddly blossom between Hyungwon and that asshole. Suddenly, he had no free time, rebelled against anything Kihyun set him up to do and all out disrespected him as a manger. He was _that_ close in throwing his phone at the wall out of frustration, but he knew better than that.  

Kihyun breathed in and out in attempt to calm down, his fingers numbly clutching his phone, when his ears perked up at the sound of door being unlocked. 

“Where the fuck where you at? No don’t answer that.” eyes squinting in the dark to read hours. “It’s past 4am in the morning and I was worried sick unable to get through you!” 

Hyungwon froze mid-step, guilt flashing all over his face.

Kihyun wasn’t impressed. “What are you two...dating now or something?” 

Silence floated in the air and Kihyun felt his lungs burn and his heart about to explode. “You’re joking right?”  

“I-I’m sorry...” 

“...” 

“You’re still important to me in a different way, a friend-” 

“I _hate_ you.” 

“You don’t.” Hyungwom flung himself at Kihyun, his hands streching around to hug. Both felt warmth seeping through their bodies lulling them to calm down. “You’re you, a very precious person in my life whom I cannot thank enough for everything you have done for me.” 

Kihyun felt so exhausted, tired of fighting for things that weren’t meant to be. He was awfully aware that one day Hyungwon will leave him behind. Modeling served only as a side-piece, a stepping stone for something greater and bigger in his life. He foolishly  hoped he will stick around longer or at least long enough to understand how much he meant to him. How much he loved and longed to be the most important person he can fall back on. He felt like an idiot. A fool that didn’t know better. 

“Does it mean it’s over?” 

Hyungwon tightened his hold around the tinier male, his face buried into Kihyun’s shoulder. “I guess so.”

Hyungwon sat next to him making Kihyun lean into him to rest his head on his shoulder.

“Shownu, Hoseok and I plan to form a dance crew. I already started on creating a routine for us. It’s only a rough draft but I received a good response. I plan to work in his dance studio as a teacher for young kids who aspire to dance but aren’t rich enough to fund it.” 

A snicker. “Just like you?” a full blown smile. “Just like me.” 

“It really sounds like something only you would do.” 

 “Say...” 

“Mhm?” 

“You don’t have to agree or something...But would you agree to still be my, well, _our_ manager? I know it’s a silly idea, and it’s dancing we’re talking about, but, uh...” 

“Okay” 

“Okay? Just like that?” 

“Just admit that three of you are incapable and require my guidance and careful planning in everything. And you're aware that without my connections you will fail without even starting.” 

“You’re right. Not everyone can be that stubborn and get people to bend backwards for them.” 

Kihyun laughed, dimples and all. Nothing has changed. Both of them still smiling and earning for each others company. He might lost in a battle to win his heart, but he felt that at the same time he won something a lot more valuable than that. A friendship and a connection, which flourished into something more deep and stronger; a family like bond.  

“We have a deal, pretty boy.” 

A pout. “Meanie.” 

 

  **● ● ●**

 

 

 

“What are you thinking about?” 

Hoseok looked at their intertwined hands and smiled to himself. “About us and our future together.” 

 “Anything specific I should know?” 

Hoseok shook his head, a shy smile gracing his lips. “Shall we dance?” 

Hyungwon nodded, jumping on Hoseok’s back out of excitement, because only through dancing their feelings shone brighter than their beating hearts. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to fit more skinship, but felt like it was the least important thing I should focus on so there's hardly anything there...Just few things implied here and there. ^^"
> 
> Further inspiration from: Hyungwon dancing to Drake ft proud boyfriend Wonho (skip to:0.36s) https://youtu.be/v6yeexFErJ4 and dance created by Hyungwon: https://youtu.be/sq_gX354bzI
> 
> This giant baby needs more credit for his dancing (he makes any dance seem effortless) and more more spotlight to shine. <3


End file.
